Crossfit and Body Image: Embrace who you are becoming

Forever ago I started a post as part of a monthly blogging challenge (September, 2012 to be exact). I wrote and re-wrote the post and tried to get my thoughts out how I best wanted to say what I wanted to say, but nothing came out right. So there it sat, collecting dust in my drafts folder for well over a year. I expressed some thoughts on Crossfit and body image in my post about measuring progress in ways outside of the body and another on why I think incentive-based programs like DietBet are discouraging, but still there were things left unsaid.

Unlike the many inspiring weight lifting ladies I’ve encountered through Facebook groups, blogging, and other forums, I don’t have a weight loss story to share, nor a tale of how I went from a distorted body image to where I am now. I never flipped through magazines, wondering what it would be like to look like those women and never even crossed my mind to spend hours on an elliptical or treadmill to achieve some unattainable body type. I never considered creating Pinterest boards for supermodel workouts, and never even heard of thigh gap until this year (which, if you don’t know what it is, don’t even bother looking it up). Maybe I lived a bit of a sheltered adolescence, but I didn’t even realize how common negative body image among average girls until I started blogging. 

How could so many women not like what they have been blessed with?

How do you look in the mirror and only see flaws?

Why are women jumping from one fad diet or workout program to another, struggling so hard to find something that makes them feel good inside and out?

Sure everyone, has less than desirable body parts.. I never liked my Polish nose. I used to wish my chest was larger and still think my knees look funny.

But I never hated my body.

My story is I’ve always been skinny. 

And later in life, I stayed skinny and felt I looked pretty darn good. It was not uncommon for someone to comment on me being thing, so working out and eating healthy was on the lowest of low priorities in my life. Even throughout most of my 20s, I would indulge on pizza, pasta, Chinese food, and tortilla chips weekly. The scale never hit over 123# and I was okay with that.

March, 2011 I got the crazy idea to run a 5k and started training for that. I knew nothing about nutrition, health, or fitness, so continued just doing what I was doing. And with six months of “training” my weight dropped to 119. I felt great. I thought I looked great. I still ate as much as I wanted whenever I wanted, though would hardly be called healthy by any textbook definition. Six months later I ran my first 5k and 36 minutes and 14 seconds later, I never had been prouder.

I never used running as a way to lose weight, rather it was a way to cope with a heartache and a way to not be such a couch potato; but then it became the catalyst to proving to myself that I could do those things that I used to think I could never do.

The first time I touched a dumbbell was in February, 2012 and became almost obsessed with researching fit women and strength athletes, aspiring to be just like them. I became infatuated with this new-found ideal, healthy physiques paired with a confident glow. Many of these women wouldn’t be considered my old definition of “skinny”, and I could see an intimidation that some would consider the look unattractive, or “too much” or “masculine.” But my whole perception of what is attractive started to change.

February 22, 2012: First day of NROLFW

There is a “Strong is the new Skinny” movement, and while it has become a cliché phrase, I like the idea as it encourages a different way of thinking; that rather than striving for a certain body image, aim for something different.

Per the magazines found on any newsstand, most women want to “bust belly fat!”; but I want thick, defined, core. They want lean, “toned” arms; I want strong, muscular shoulders. They want to “say buh-bye to bulge!” and I want to rock my booty. I want a back with definition that stands out when I do pull-ups.

My goal had never been to change my body. 

But through my level of commitment and my desire to do better for myself, my body is changing, and continues to change. Recently, I tried to put on a dress that I wore just four months prior and I could no longer zip up the back because of my growing lats. I had to get rid of over half of my clothes over the past year that no longer fit due to my shoulders or quads or glutes. My weight has gone up and now it’s coming back down.

Crossfit has given me a renewed outlook on how I look and how I feel. I look in mirror and see my strength. I see PRs and I see the confidence that I have gained over the past two years. I see my thick thighs and solid abs, hidden under their happy layer of fat. I have never been happier, stronger, or in a better place mentally and physically. I love pushing myself everyday in the gym, lifting heavy, and using Eat to Perform to fuel it. I can even see in pictures not only has my physical self changed, but there is more confidence and pride in my stature.

You don’t need to be on a weight loss journey to improve yourself or to acknowledge your progress and your body acceptance. You don’t need to aspire to “look like a beast” or to gain weight or get more muscly.

You need to be able to look in the mirror and see yourself for the person that you are becoming and recognize how far you have come already. Look in the mirror and see past the imperfections and the body hatred and just embrace the you that is looking back. Learn to love yourself. Embrace who you are becoming by loving who you are today.