I have an issue with comparing myself to others.
I think it spawns from growing up with a need to be the best. I never had an ounce of athletic ability in grade school or high school, but man, was I smart. I would be that girl who didn’t have to study to get straight As; a typical teacher’s pet. I did not understand those who didn’t get it. I could not fathom putting in endless hours of studying, just for an average grade. I’d show up, do my homework, and ace the tests.
But now that I have fully immersed myself in Crossfit, I feel like the kid that has to study for hours. I not only need to show up for class, but I need to do the extra credit and do practice problems and hope to have a grade that be proudly displayed on the fridge (or in my case, the whiteboard).
I know I will never be a Games athlete, and I am okay with that. I will never beat the top of my class, and I am okay with that.
But I still tend to get jealous and upset when I do not do as well as certain other girls in the box. While I am in absolute awe and envy of those girls who are progressing faster than me, I sometimes let their successes bother me since I am not quite there yet. In an effort to turn a negative into a positive, this has recently given me even more fuel to want to become a better and more competitive athlete. I also realized that for as many girls that I am looking up to, there are others that are looking up to me, and that means more to me than my ranking in the class.
What kind of example am I setting if I just complain about how much better she did than me?
Why would I share my score using words like “I only did…” or “..but I didn’t RX” or coming up with a million and one excuses for what went wrong?
Who would be inspired by someone who is negative and whining about a low score on something RXed or even not RXed?
I have some fellow athletes that are constantly telling me how strong and determined I am, yet I do not always feel that way on the inside. I need to work on seeing myself the way that others see me.
I know I need to stay in constant competition with myself, but I have a drive to be the best. Or at least better than the current version of me. I know in the big picture, I probably am stronger and more determined than so many people who do not Crossfit. If I walked into a “globo-gym” I would probably outlift any girl there. But at the box I feel inadequate, under-skilled, noncompetitive.
When I had the similar thoughts with running, I signed up for a half marathon and sought coaching and learned proper technique and running form. Through all of my struggles, I finally accepted that I can run and turns out I am not so bad of a runner, knocking 13 minutes off my 10k time in 4 months and finding some solace in trail running.
In an effort to help me recognize my own strengths as others see them, I am signing up for a partner Crossfit competition in January and setting big goals for the Open. I am going to start putting in more time to focus on skill work and improve my technique. Just as watching my pace decrease in running, I am hoping I can see my lift numbers increase or my WOD times decrease.
Twitter: courtnorm
November 11, 2013 at 1:22 pm
I hear you. I get SO frustrated when girls walk into our box and can powerlift so much more than me. My technical/explosive lifts are usually a bit better, but these girls have brute strength and I think if I could just have a taste of that I’d be so much better. I have to grunt, sweat, cry, and eat like crazy to increase my strength/powerlifting numbers. It’s not like the technical lift where making one adjustment can get you a 20lb PR. Those days are long gone. My PRs are crawling now… 5lbs at a time. Each one earned, for sure. I now use that as my fuel for those ugly lifting days. We’ll never be perfect but we can be better than we were yesterday!
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It’s soo annoying! And then I start justifying it all.
Well, she was an athlete growing up; I wasn’t.
She was a runner before she started Crossfit, so of course she is faster than me.
She’s bigger than me, so is going to be stronger.
I know it’s drilled into our heads that it’s you vs you and all that, but geesh, would be nice to be the best at something 😉
What has really helped many of the women I work with is setting clear lifting goals or workout goals of their own.
Because it doesn’t matter if that person next to you is lifting more. And when we see ourselves improving we tend to care less about how we “rank.”
Plus while you are looking at these other women saying they are better than you at something, they are looking back at you and saying the same thing about you with some other task/accomplishment/something.
Hope the partner challenge helps you realize how strong and wonderful you are! 🙂
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Thank you for the positive words, Cori!! I definitely need to set specific goals, and I love seeing when I crush those goals. I think it’s getting to a point now where I am not progressing as quickly as I was in the beginning (which happens in any sport) and now just need to pick something to focus on and work on one thing at a time.
I have such a supportive group of people I workout with (even the ones I secretly wish I was better than lol); so just need to start convincing myself 🙂
I think context matters – I see videos of girls squatting 300# or see girls in my gym clean more than me and always want to fall into the comparison trap. Instead, I just say “I want that” and make a plan on how to get it rather than saying “I want to beat her at that”.
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Awesome perspective.. and such a better way to look at it!
Twitter: Mychickenbutt
November 11, 2013 at 2:36 pm
I feel like a lot of people are very quick to qualify their achievements with words like “just” or “only.” Those words take away every single stitch of positivity out of something you did and turn it into a negative. I am definitely trying to consciously scrap those words, because I know they lead to falling prey to comparison suggestion.
I know you don’t need me to remind you how far you’ve come, but holy crap! Looking at the big picture you have increased your athletic abilities a million times over since you got into the lifestyle. Go back and read your blog from day one on. It’s incredible how far you have come.
As far as putting in all the extra work – you enjoy it! Someday it will all pay off. I know you can achieve anything you put your mind to, so go get it!
Twitter: JackiRHayes
November 11, 2013 at 2:43 pm
There are three women in my box that I always compare myself to. One goes to a much earlier class and so I use her as my baseline for my workout. I check her time or weight and know what I should shoot for. So I guess, a “healthy” comparison. But there are two gals that are in my class that I absolutely hate “losing” to. I really need to stop worrying about their performance, but life as always been a competition for me.
Lessons learned at Crossfit, huh?
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Twitter: fatgirlhealthy
November 11, 2013 at 3:31 pm
I have a bad habit of using the negative comments; I only, I just. It’s so hard rip get out of that mentality. For me, it’s trying to overcome a lifetime of negative thinking. Slowly but surely we well come out on too!
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Twitter: inmyheadspace
November 11, 2013 at 3:43 pm
I can not relate to cross fit but I think you are just being modest about your achievements. When you were the smart girl in the class, I am sure you did not walk around saying, “I’m smarter then you, you and you!” Just like you don’t walk into your box saying “Move aside bitches. Let me show you how it’s done.” I think it’s human nature to compare yourself to someone else. It’s what you do with the comparison that will define you ( no green monster! ). How else do we stay motivated or get inspired? Keep kicking ass Jen. You never know who you are inspiring :0)
Twitter: fantabulouslisa
November 11, 2013 at 4:49 pm
Well said! I think a lot of us are guilty of the comparison game. And it’s really hard to tune it out because crossfit is so geared toward competition. I constantly find myself guilty of forgetting my own personal progress.
On a side note, what a small world! I was googling about progenex cocoon and found a comment from you on an article 🙂 http://www.grizzlystrong.com/product-rant-progenex-cocoon/
I tried it myself and didn’t notice any sleep aid… but I think it helped a bit with recovery.
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Well Jennifer, I have to say I watch you and try to do what you are doing at the BOX. Quite often I can’t even come close. With that being said, you’d be surprised at how many of the girls watch you and try to lift what you are lifting. People talk about how good your form is, people watch you with admiration. I love being your partner because you push me to your level.
Initially, I was guilty of comparing myself to others, I knew I could lift more if I would just work at it. Recently, I decided I wasn’t there to lift more, I was there to improve my body, mind, and spirit. Once my mind was off trying to do what others were doing, I stopped looking at what I did last time, I just found what worked for me on that day, and believe it or not, I have more PR’s lately that I didn’t realize I had until a coach looked it up and told me. Stop worrying about PR’s, stop worrying about others, look at what you want from the workout. See you at 5:30, I’ll be watching you and admiring your strength.
Oh wow! It really sounds like I wrote this post. I WAS that student, but all my life I’ve dreaded running…although you are way ahead of me since I haven’t been training as I should. As a kid and even know, I run for a minute and cramp so bad. I say “forget it!” and move on to yoga.
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I think this is part of what has held me back from trying cross-fit. I’m super competitive and I’m afraid that I would lose the purpose of just trying to push myself – I would compare and feel the desire to compete.
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I know just what you mean. I am so supportive of the other women in my box, but I want to scream when a new person comes in and gets a pull-up right away! However, it’s better now that I have a focused program for getting the pull-up. I highly recommend focused skills training. It is definitely making me feel like my goals are within reach…and it helps me to not be bitter about other people getting their pull-up first…well, less bitter anyway. Can’t wait to hear about your training for the competition.
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Being new to lifting, I guess that I still get a smirk on my face when all 5, 4″ of me walks right in between the guys and DOESN’T grab the lightest weight and I can get sweaty with the best of them. That being said, I’ve only ever felt competitive against myself – and now, I just want to see what I’m capable of – it’s neat pushing myself and recovering and trying again.
Oh yes. You are in performance mode too. I struggle with this too but am learning that it never ends and is an exhausting way to live life. I encourage you to continue to search “why”. Why do you feel the way you do? It will uncover some deep issues that you may have ever thought much about. Then, FREEDOM will allow you to enjoy what God has for you. Blessings!
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