Out with the old..

It’s been awhile since I had a “woe is me” post.

The last four months of training have been pretty grand. I have had some challenges doing Outlaw and there were some times that I struggled in my lifting and some days where the WODs crushed me, but the feeling usually passed pretty quickly after.

If you read any of my recap posts, I am getting stronger. I have not only built physical strength but also a whole heck of a lot of mental strength.

But now we are three days into the new cycle, a cycle that is less focused on maxing your snatch and more focused on prepping for the Open, the apex of everything that we have been training for all year. Your time to shine and prove to yourself and to those around you that all of those extra hours that you put into the gym are finally paying off.

Three days into the next eight weeks of prep.. and I want to quit.

Quit doing any program that has any conditioning and stick to straight up barbell work. Because that is the easy way out.

I wrote in my last post about how I just like to lift and how WODs crush me, but I really miss being in that conditioned state. I am so much stronger now, yet so much slower. I know it is almost part of the plan; that we have these strength cycles to build up your muscles and now it’s time to scale back the weights and go hard.

Time to get comfortable with the super uncomfortable.

I try to refer to this quote often when I get down on myself, but it’s still just difficult at times.

It’s not like I haven’t been doing any WODs, because I have been. Maybe it’s because it’s the holiday season and I have been out of routine that it is just difficult to get into workout mode. I haven’t really been gorging on sweets, but I know I haven’t been eating enough, nor getting enough veggies or protein. My body has been no stranger to sleep, putting in 10 hours where I normally get 7-8, but the extra sleep isn’t enough.

This Outlaw cycle begins each session so far with an EMOM type rep scheme like 5 power snatches, 3 clean and jerks, 5 full snatches. I haven’t gone “heavy” by my standards, and it’s terribly exhausting. Further, the strength/skill is grueling, with 60-90s rest in between movements, and THEN there is a WOD at the end.

Monday:
5 rounds
15 target burpees
20 unbroken wall balls
Rest 1:00 after each round

Result: Burpees- slow. Wall balls.. unbroken? HA! I was lucky to get 10 unbroken. Maybe once. I did twenty-eight unbroken a few weeks ago. Not happening. My total working time was 14:28, fastest round at 2:11 and slowest at 3:17.

Tuesday:
WOD 1
100 DUs (I scaled to 50 after whipping myself in the face)
15 power snatches at 80# (I scaled to 65#)
50 DUs

Result: 5:28

WOD 2:
12:00 AMRAP
50 calorie row
40 box jump overs
30 deadlifts (150#)
20 MUs (scaled to chest-to bar)

Result: 8 chest-to-bar attempts; I couldn’t physically pull myself to the bar. I’ve done chest to bar many times before.

Wednesday:
12:00 timecap:
30 clean and jerks at 95#
30 wall balls 14#
21 clean and jerks 105#
30 wall balls
15 clean and jerks 125#
30 wall balls
10 clean and jerks 140#
30 wall balls

Result: My former “Grace” is under 5:00. So while I still despise wall balls and 105# CJs in a WOD would be challenging, I had a realistic goal of making it partially through the second set of CJs.

As I did single clean and jerks today at 95#, a weight that I used to struggle so much with , I tried not to look at the clock. But as I had to put the bar down after every rep, I knew I was not moving nearly as fast as when I last PRed. At 5:00 in, where I would have normally finished 30 clean and jerks, I had 12 done. Twelve.

I mentally checked out.

I tried to pick up speed, but I did not want to put my hands on the bar. Once I finished a clean, the jerks came easily, but as time ticked on, my reps were slow and with no rhyme or reason, no plan and no calculations.

I ended up finishing 5 wall balls of the first set. Looking back, it’s possible I cut the workout a minute short, but that doesn’t alleviate any discouragement that I feel.

Maybe it was because I did a morning workout when I’m used to doing evening classes. Maybe because I wasn’t properly fueled. Or maybe because last night I didn’t get as much sleep as I had been. Maybe because I worked out alone and didn’t have my training partners there. Maybe.. I’m just subconsciously so focused on hating conditioning that I’m not allowing myself to put the effort that I need to be.

A couple of people commented on my last post that if I like to lift, lift. Why am I putting myself through WODs if I don’t like them?

I have a tough partner competition in February and I don’t want to embarrass myself, or my “#swolemate.” I have been putting in so much extra time at the gym that when it comes time for the Open, I want people to see my progress, see the fruit of all of my labor, see why I have been working out in the back of the gym and spending two and a half hours a day there.

But mentally? I’m stuck.

I know if I keep up with the conditioning, I am going to get better. I know that I can get myself back to the endurance level I had last year if I put the time in. I know these programs are made in cycles for a reason.

But I don’t know how to keep pushing past the barrier of knowing what I used to do compared to what I am doing now.

Would I rather PR my clean and jerk or PR Grace? Definitely take the lift. But is it worth the feeling of nearly doubling my Grace time?

Alrighty.. rant is over.. I just had to exhale all of that negativity and let it all go.. to move forward and refocus..